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Sarah Halstead

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Don’t wait to make your son a great man

Filed Under: Family, Photography

 – make him a great boy.  ~Author Unknown

I just love both of my boys so much. I just pray that I am raising them to be great boys. With Dustyn, it feels like all I ever do is discipline him. I am constantly saying, Dustyn don’t do that, No you don’t need that, etc. Seems like never ending no, no, no’s. I really am tired of that happening every day. I try to just give him more time and attention, but I don’t know if it is making a difference. Do you have any other suggestions to curve his tantrums and frustrations? I now he gets that from me. I really wish he didn’t though. When I see him get mad, it is like I am looking in a mirror.

Then other times he is such an awesome little boy. If I need him to do something for me, he always does. He loves his little brother soooo much. He always tries to include Carsyn in anything he is doing. It really is sweet to see him with Carsyn. Times like that are what make me proud to be his momma. I pray constantly that I am raising him to be a great boy that will turn into a great man. Hopefully he will make an amazing husband and father one day.

Mr. Cheetos face.

These don’t have anything to do with what I was talking about, but had to include him. Dakota is such a beautiful cat.

She came over for a smell. I think she thought I had treats.

Found this old, rusty chain from a chain saw and thought it made the perfect photo.

     texture thursday

First I cropped the photo. Then I brightened it up. Added some haze. Converted to black and white. Lastly, I sharpened for the web. I just love everything about this photo taken by Selena. Gorgeous!
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Comments

  1. Serendipity is Sweet says

    Oh yes, I have been there, and still am! I think Faith had some wonderful insight. You are a great mama! One thing I would add, is that when your kids are defiant and you feel like you are constantly saying no, everything feel so negative. The whole atmosphere in the house can change. When that happens at our house (with all 4 even) I know it's time for a break. A change of scenery, a new activity, something to turn things around. Sometimes I"ll just put my shoes on and say, "we're going for a walk." If they are reluctant I'll try to be creative and say we're going on a scavenger hunt, or exploring...whatever to get them outside. Or I'll just say let's go we have an errand, then get them all in the car and take them for an ice cream or small treat. It changes my attitude and redirects them. And it can be tough, but try to catch them doing something good and give them positive feedback. Try to notice and comment more on the good things like, "I like how you are sharing with your brother" or "I see how careful you are being with your toys" or whatever. Small bits of positive reinforcement will let him know you are proud of him and remind you of the good things :) Hang in there mama! Beautiful pics - I love your edit too!

  3. [email protected] says

    I have my very own Dustyn, it's very hard. He is the only boy with 6 sisters. I do pray also that in the end we have raised him to be a great Christian man and a great husband.

  4. Tara says

    Aw, your boys are going to grow up to be great men. Dustyn is 4 so it comes with the age. Just be strong and don't give in too much :)

  5. Stephanie says

    They will definitely grow up to be great men. You are doing an excellent job! When I was doing family counseling with young children, I always told parents to practice praising your children five times as much as you discipline them, so that they know the things they are doing right. Most of the time children will choose positive attention over negative, but want attention either way! You may see yourself in his bad moments, but you should also see yourself in the good - YOU showed him how to be with Carsyn because that's how YOU are with him.

  6. Nessa says

    Tantrums are so hard - on you and them. I have reading the comments and added one of the books to my wish list on amazon. One thing I am trying to do is use the word "no" less. Saying things like "Lets put the candle down and find a toy." instead of "No NO dont touch the candle." Just to not here my self be so negative has helped a little. Love your edit... and your right - Dakota is such a pretty girl.

  7. Erin says

    I was just thinking yesterday that I hope I raise J to be a nice boy and a great man. What really got me thinking about it was seeing the wonderful people my brothers have become. My mom certainly gets an A+ for raising great men. I'm sure you're doing a great job!

  8. Ashley Sisk says

    I love what you said there about Dustyn and starting now to make him a great man. I think that starts so early and I love how you are planning ahead for his future. Beautiful photos.

  9. Seeing Each Day says

    I remember when my son was 2 and i was finding his reactions and tantrums really difficult, that one of my friends said she found an almost instant positive change when her son turned 3. So I waited with baited breath for his third birthday, only to find that his behaviours turned WORSE when he was three! I totally agree with Faith's suggestion on preparing kids for what's happening - not only with event timelines eg we're leaving the park in 5 minutes but also behaviours before events start ' when mummy tells you it's time to go home from the park what will you say?' reply 'ok, mum' - i mean, i don't just say it once and they automatically obey, i repeat myself a few times when i'm preparing them eg i explain what will happen, then a few minutes later i'll start the sentence and get them to finish it, but especially with my son, i find any finishing of something eg park play, leaving a friend's house, not being able to hit a ball in a baseball game, can be cause for an upset and preparing him in most cases seems to make a difference. And i don't mean that i have the time to sit down and have a gentle loving chat with the kids each time, i just mean that i incorporate it, eg when i'm helping putting my daughter's shoes on as we're about to leave for somewhere i remind her about what's going to happen etc.

  10. Meagan says

    We're right smack dab in the middle of constant discipline too and it's driving me crazy! I hate feeling like the bad guy all day long. But then every once in a while we have a day where he just does everything I ask him to do without question. And he doesn't get into stuff he's not supposed to. And it's just a great day. Those days make the bad days seem easier. You're doing a great job Mama! It's just hard! And I love all your photos! And your black and white edit is awesome!

  11. Faith says

    I don't remember exactly how old Dustyn is but I think our boys are about the same age - my Josiah turned 4 this past September. He is the same way. Sometimes he is so sweet, polite, loving and just the most perfect little boy you could ask for, at other times he is mean, rude, disobedient and disrespectful. Someoments when he is on his worst behavior it takes my breath away - I pray "God, what am I doing wrong?!" and try to handle the moment as calmly and kindly as I can. One bit of perspective, after having five kids, is that with your first it is so hard to know what reasonable expectations are for your child. Everything FEELS like a big deal, everything is new territory. It is easy to over-react. He is a boy. Even good boys are going to go wild sometimes. He's a little kid, and all little kids, even the best, drive their parents nuts sometimes. But I don't want to end this comment with just the "you're a good parent, you're doing a good job" though I DO think you are a good parent and I DO think you are doing a good job. I also want to give you a couple little tips. 1) try to notice if he has any "trigger" issues. For one of mine it was being hungry. If she was going nuts at the store I'd pull out a snack and everything was better. For another it's tiredness, so we arrange errands around naps and if we have to go out close to map time I try to keep the pace slow and my attitude very calm and cheerful (easier said than done) another kid (come to think of it I have two who are this way) awful at transitions and I had to let them know ahead of time what was happening and what would be happening next I also had to give lots of warnings to let th know we were about to transition to a new activity like "okay, in 5 minutes we are going to leave the park" then I'd give a 2 minute warning and them we'd go. I also do this for meals, naps and baths. 2)Limit TV/computer time - this definitely makes my kids more emotional/volatile. One on one time makes a huge difference - if you're already giving him that keep it up! Give him a time and a place to get his energy out. You're doing the right thing. The thing about kids is that it takes a lot of faith and a lot of patience. You reap what you sow into your kids but it takes a lot of time before you really get to see the fruit of it, and especially when your oldest is under 5 or 6 it is super- hard to be patient because it feels like you've been at it for SO LONG and you second-guess yourself at every step. Last thing: do everything you can to encourage your husband as the father in your home, it is really important that kids spend time with their Dad - which often means just leaving the kids with their Daddy. It can be so tough but everyone needs it. You need a break from the kids, the kids could use a break from you and your husband needs the space to be be Dad without Mom being there to take care of everything for him. Let him do things differently than you do - the kids don't need two moms, they need a mom and a dad. It is hard for me to step back and let go a little and not try to micromanage my husband, but my kids need him, just as much as they need me. Keep up the good work Mama!

  12. katie says

    I love the quote, and although I can't relate to what you're going through, I know at that at some point when my sweet little baby isn't so sweet and little, I will know exactly what you are talking about! I'm reading the Five Love Languages of Children- and its great, I definitely recommend for any mommies!

  13. Sarah says

    I second the 1,2,3 magic. We had a lot of frustrating times at our house. That takes the emotion out of discipline. Now when I'm redirecting, I am calm and I find it is waaaay more effective. It sounds like you're such good momma! He is one luck boy. And I adore your edit!! Gorgeous and soft!!! Beautiful!

  14. Selena says

    I'm sure your boys will grow up to be great men! I love your edit this week. I love the beautiful b&w conversion. I love that it is soft as i think it should be being on the beach!

  15. Summer says

    Your such a good mama.. As you know I am a first time mom so the advice you get remembered and save it for me. I totally understand the whole looking in the mirror when he's mad thing. That's my son totally. He's just like me there. Scary I know! Good luck. You got this.

  17. Julie says

    Hi Sarah, I know your boys are wonderful and you're doing a great job raising them. I don't know if its a boy vs. girl thing or just a difficult age for Dustyn b/c Marlie is the same way. She is so easily angered and frustrated and cries and whines all the time. The only thing I can suggested is really make a big deal and focus on the positive stuff that he does. I know I have to try harder to do that with Marlie. Its easier when you have only one to focus on the positive. Not so easy when there is two.

  19. Kim Stevens says

    Sarah, a life changing parental moment was a class we took when my daughter was in kindergarten at her school and it was free. It's called love and logic and it taught us how to give the problem back to them and let them solve it. If you're interested google Love and Logic. I really love your edit on that beach photo - love the crop and the choice of black and white - really nice!

  20. Adeena says

    It will get better. Have you heard of 1,2,3 Magic? Borrow it from the library if you can and read it. :) Cool chain shot! And Dakota is definitely a pretty cat.

  21. Amanda says

    How old is he? The first four months after my son turned 3 were HORRIBLE for us. It will get better. :) I found the book "From Difficult to Delightful in 30 Days" to be really helpful during that time, and really made a positive impact on his behavior when I used the techniques. Hang in there!

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