If you do not want to hear me complain, you might want to skip this post. I am so burnt out right now and it has caused a stress headache. I have been trying my best to stay positive about everything, but I just can’t right now.
I know I should be thankful Carsyn is here. He is seriously the sweetest and most happy baby ever. I have just been dealing with the newborn stage for almost 11 months. He still wakes up at least 2 times a night. I have to constantly be holding him or on the floor with him. I LOVE spending time with him don’t get me wrong. I just wish I could put him down for 5 minutes to go to the bathroom or get something to eat or maybe even {gasp} clean the house up a little. I literally can not do any of that unless a. he is sleeping or b. I let him scream bloody murder. The occupational therapist said that it is okay to let him lay on the floor and cry a little, but it grates my nerves. Seriously. I feel so bad that he isn’t able to get his body to do what he wants it to do. I know he is frustrated and in turn that makes me frustrated for him.
He can’t roll around to play with toys, he can’t sit up, he can’t even sit in an exersaucer that well. The only time my arms get a break is when he is in the swing outside, sleeping or if I lay down beside him on the floor. Carsyn will now be getting physical therapy every Tuesday and occupational therapy every Wednesday. The occupation therapist said she thinks Carsyn should also get evaluated for speech/eating therapy. That might be another day involving therapy. I love the program, but it is exhausting scheduling stuff around it and making sure the house is presentable.
I know you all probably think I am a whiny baby { I even think so} and to just deal with it. That Carsyn is worth it. I so hear you. I tell myself that every 5 minutes. I just really needed to vent. I have a lot of friends that are hurting right now from losing their sweet babies. That makes me very THANKFUL that I have Carsyn here with me. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy and to be a good advocate for him. This momma just needs a break. A break to not think about Carsyn or Dustyn or Kenny. Seriously one of them is ALWAYS on my mind.
On top of all this I have been dealing with some other issues I am not going to go into on here. If you can please pray for me and pray that I can get over myself and stop being so darn selfish. Thank you all.
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